HERE FOR IT
by Brian Jeansonne
Upon my diagnosis with ALS, I mentioned to my wife that I was so incredibly sorry that she was being put in the position of having to actually care for me. It seemed that we already had enough on our plates trying to raise 5 humans together, maintain our jobs, workloads, social calendar and now in addition, she would need to help me walk and shower and eat and survive.
Two months later, Kristy surprised me with a wedding vow renewal ceremony under the great oaks at City Park with 30 of our friends. This was Kristy’s way of saying to me, “I don’t know what it will look like or be like or feel like, but whatever it is…I’m here for it.”
There is incredible comfort that comes to the heart when someone who loves you dearly says, come hell or high-water, I’m here for you, I’m here for it.
For years I have wondered, is it possible - in the Divine’s infinite and unrelenting love for the Divine’s own creation - that the greatest gift God could ever give to God’s creation is the gift of presence - the gift of being ‘here for it.’ Standing on the Christian tradition as spoken of in the first book of the Gospel of St. John, “In the beginning was the Christ and the Christ took on flesh and dwelled among us.” The idea here being that God actually took on human flesh and blood, became human, stepped into the muck and mire of daily life and lived a fully human existence. Is it possible that God doing life with us is the greatest gift of all?
If this is truly a gift from God, then might it also be possible that God has chosen to limit God’s knowledge of the future so much so that even God is at times caught by surprise or caught off guard? And in so doing, the Divine is now even more able to walk through the ups and downs of life with us. Is it possible that when the Dr. said, “Mr. Jeansonne, I am so sorry but you have ALS” that my wife and I and the Divine all at once exhaled with broken hearts and said, “What?”
And in this moment, the Divine is saying, “I didn’t see this coming and I am here for it, with you, all the way, to love and to cry and to fight and curse and to weep and to question. Whatever it takes, whatever you need…I’m here for it. With you.”
I know for many this will be an unpopular thought as I know so many who seem to somehow take comfort in the idea that “God is in control” or “God is never surprised” or “God has a plan,” but for me, I take a great deal more comfort in the idea of a divine being being so connected in my life that this divine being would rather go through it with me with all the unknowns remaining unknown so that we are literally going through it together. If this is true, I find this to be one of the greatest gifts in the world. The God who says, “I’m here for it.”